In lower-middle earth there exists a constant struggle between the forces of good, and evil. Unfortunately, that struggle looks like it might be ending pretty soon. Over 200 years ago the Dark Lord Beelzebozo, an entity of pure evil said to have been spawned from the greatest fears of all sentient beings in the time before time, got tired of living in the shadows and founded Pandamoanium, a city where he and his dark brethren could be free from the forces of good that had for so long kept them down. For a time there was prosperity, and all was well. However, 28 years ago Pandamoanium came under an unprovoked siege. A group calling themselves the Dashing and Inimitably Courageous Knights (or simply D.I.C.K.’s to everyone else) had taken it upon themselves to rid the land of the “evil scourge” that had “terrorized the land” for so long previous. This attack, coming out of nowhere it seemed, at first surprised Beelzebozo, but quickly he was able to rally his own forces and drive the attackers back. From that small skirmish has evolved an all-out war, with both sides vying for total domination of the other. It’s D.I.C.K.’s vs. Bozo’s, winner take all. Just recently at the battle of the Big Bulge (oh yeah baby) the D.I.C.K.’s gained a pivotal victory against the Forces of Evil, and it looks like it might all be just a matter of time now. Intelligence is sparse on what the enemy general’s plans are, or even who he is, but it can’t be anything fun….
You are a newly initiated soldier in the Bozo’s Army. Fresh out of Basic, you have been assigned to the Toot Oriole camp located on the border between the Badlands and the Scrublands on the southwest reaches of the continent, faaaaaar from the front lines (thank god right?).